“It was just terrible. I walked into his dorm and… that stupid poster was on the wall.” said a dismayed student, who anonymously spoke to the intrepid team at the BUTT. She has been one of many to come forward and discuss the increasingly widespread plague on college campuses, guys who think they’re Scott Pilgrim.
She added, “I guess I should have known how weird he was when I first met him. Once he played guitar at me for like half-an-hour. But he kept fucking up the same song and had to restart maybe ten times. It sucked.”
According to a recent poll, about 40% of college-aged men think that Scott Pilgrim is a cool guy. Of that 40%, all men surveyed stated that the character is “just like me fr.” These findings present an unnerving conclusion: the loser epidemic has taken root at Binghamton University.
If you or someone you love begins exhibiting the following symptoms, it is strongly advised that you seek medical help, and maybe a job, immediately:
Poor reading comprehension and media literacy
Exclusively trying to date bisexual women with dyed hair
Not going outside to touch grass in weeks
Infantilization of self or others
Stay safe out there, Binghamton.
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