Breaking news this weekend as President Trump and Other President Musk (his legal team has advised us to ignore the doll eyes) appeared on the White House lawn advertising TrumpCorp, a recently formed corporation identified by experts as a multi-level marketing company. TrumpCorp is the latest in a stream of Trump-branded products that have been described by the Republican party as “definitely legitimate and definitely legal, don’t worry about it”, including the $Trump cryptocurrency and “God Bless the USA” Trump bible.
While remaining vague about what TrumpCorp actually sells, Musk and Trump stressed that by joining its distribution chain and becoming a TrumpCorp salesman, which one can do for only $500, one can “be your own boss” and “make huge, absolutely huge, amounts of money, like you would never believe, it’ll be great, it’ll be big, bigly money.” Musk then added, with a quiver in his voice, “Please, please, please give me your money, dear god please, I’ve lost everything,” before breaking into tears and fleeing the scene.
Later on, reporter’s pressed Trump’s team further about what TrumpCorp actually sells that makes money, other than scamming people into being its salesmen. A DOGE staffer, a 19-year old frat boy identified as Dr. Blow Job, who has been given complete control over the Social Security Administration, responded that it sells “y’know some kinda supplement, like… minerals and shit, or… some sort of… look, just cough up the fucking money, okay.”
Legal experts have described TrumCorp as a pyramid scheme and a scam, and noted the severe ethical quandaries surrounding Trump using his presidential platform to advertise his business ventures. In response to this, Trump’s personal lawyer, the Attorney General Pam Bondi, was quoted as saying: “Well, strictly speaking, no, it’s not quote-unquote ‘legal’ per say. But, uh, who the fuck is going to stop us?”
In other news, since you started reading this article, Elon Musk has lost another $50 billion.
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