Tom and Marty's to Begin Selling the Blood of Christ After New Christian Rebranding

In a move that's sure to raise eyebrows among religious circles, Tom and Marty's, a popular student bar, has announced a new "Christian rebranding" initiative just in time for Parade Day.

As part of the initiative, the bar is now offering a drink called The Blood of Christ, which is made with red wine, grape juice, and a splash of holy water. The drink is served in a chalice and comes with a side of communion wafers, and is personally consecrated by the bar's owner, Larry Shea.

According to the bar's owner, the new drink is part of their effort to honor the religious significance of Parade Day, a holiday where the parade is a bunch of drunk students stumbling up and down the street. "We want to give our customers a way to celebrate their faith while still having a good time," said Shea, a man who is widely beloved by students for his snarky sense of humor. "We're all about inclusivity here at Tom and Marty's."

The Christian rebranding initiative doesn't stop there. The bar has also introduced a range of other religious-themed drinks, including The Holy Spirit (a vodka and Red Bull concoction served in a dove-shaped glass), The Blessed Sacrament (a whiskey sour served with a communion wafer garnish), and The Virgin Mary (a spicy Bloody Mary served with a celery stalk in the shape of a cross).

Reaction to the initiative has been mixed. Some religious leaders have praised the bar for finding a way to make faith fun and accessible to young people. Others, however, have accused the bar of trivializing religious symbols and exploiting the sacred for commercial gain.

Despite the criticism, Tom and Marty's is standing by its Christian rebranding initiative. "We believe that faith and fun can coexist," said Marty, the other owner. "We're just trying to create a welcoming space for everyone, regardless of their beliefs."

So, if you're looking for a unique way to celebrate Parade Day this year, head on down to Tom and Marty's and raise a chalice of The Blood of Christ. It's sure to be a religious experience you won't soon forget.