On the eve of Sexapalooza, the BUTT proudly presents the findings of our annual sex survey. Thank you to everybody who completed the survey and provided our team of scientists with information about what substance you would stick your wiener in and whether or not you would have hot, sloppy sex with E.T.
Question #1: Choose the option that most closely matches your gender and sexual identity.
40% of Binghamton students identify as WOKE DEI… this is truly Biden’s America…
Question #2: How many sexual partners have you had?
42.6% of you are going straight to hell. 25.5% of you are ascending to be with the Lord. 31.9% of you are going to half-assed handjob purgatory.
Question #3: What is the ideal areola diameter in a partner?
By 2027, scientists are expected to finally invent a vaccine against areolas. Thank God!
Question #4: Enter the hex code that most closely matches the color of your clit.
Some of the stand-out answers from this question include:
Whoever responded “My cock is too large and too dark to be called a clit” …no clit? Are you deformed or something?
Question #5: Gun to your head, you have to fuck one of these characters. And you have to make them cum.
The people have spoken! Clippy is sexually irresistible!
Question #6: Who is the hottest character from Five Nights at Freddy’s?
Some of the answers included:
“Toy chica was my bi awakening”
“THE FUCKING MIMIC OH YEAH MY NAME I S THE FUCKING MIMI COH YEAH”
“I'd let every William Afton and Springtrap variation run a train on me only to later be fucked by me (Without aftercare)... So that's my answer.”
“I hate you”
“The wolf one with tits”
“Like a basic bitch…I’ll say Freddy. But SPECIFICALLY rockstar freddy from fnaf security breach…as a funko pop”
“His name is Edwin. He made the Mimic”
“The chicken 🤤🤤🤤”
“Markiplier”
Question #7: Which of these would you most likely stick your wiener in?
Many strong men have fallen into the trap of the weird squishy things…
Question #8: Who’s your worst hear me out?
You answered:
“Nosferatu”
“Beans from Rango”
“The Dirty Bubble”
“All Tomorrows Temptor”
“Mr. dna”
“This is a toughie... Id fuck anything that passes the harkness test (Look it up). The Lich, a vaguely sapient charizard, a false hydra from dnd, the ghost of Stonewall Jackson, any goblin from goblin slayer, honestly it would be easier to find things I'm not into.”
“The people I date”
“Noam Chomsky”
“Spotted Lanternfly”
Question #9: What type of cum do you have?
Some of you need to go to the doctor. Now.
Question #10: Are women real?
The science is still out on it.
Question #11: Which Colleen Hoover book have you jacked off the most to?
Some additional responses include:
“WHAT IS…the movie and the articles regarding the Blake Lively drama!”
“I don’t read woke literature”
“I can’t read :<”
“Too straight for me”
“Die”
Question #12: What’s the best movie to turn on when you’ve brought a girl back to your place?
Here’s the best films to sweep someone off their feet:
“Recording of my conception on a Sony Handycam DCR-DVD92”
“family guy funny moments compilation”
“American psycho”
“Nothing, I hate art”
“Evil Bong”
“evil bong 2”
“Saving Private Ryan, but only the first 20 minutes”
“Eraserhead”
“Home alone two lost in New York starring disgraced actor Donald Trump”
Question #13: Best way to style pubes?
Some other ways to style your bush:
“Bald”
“Crop circles and sigils”
“Arrow pointing to “the goods” (my weenar)”
“Mohawk”
“Underwear with a hole in the middle like a baby sensory book”
Thanks again for all your responses! All of your information has been sent to foreign buyers for purposes we aren’t exactly aware of! Make sure to use protection!!!
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