Yesterday, situationship victims Charlie Scopperfield and Darius Darius were subjected to a day where they - yet again - tried as hard as they could to not bring up the impending Valentine’s Day.
The two, who had both agreed to label their relationship as “not labelled”, had dinner at C4 while ignoring the obvious Valentine’s Week decorations. When Darius bought the specialty dessert clearly intended for a couple to share, he assumed it would be a sure indication that he was trying to take their relationship to the next level: agreeing to hold hands in public.
“I’m glad that neither of us want a committed relationship,” said Charlie. She was so clueless of Darius’s obvious need for commitment that telling her would be akin to lying to a child that Santa isn’t real.
When the two first met, it became obvious that neither of them would have the confidence to ask the other out. It only became more endearing when the two realized that the best way to be insufferable was by letting the tension of a situationship hang over their friend group in perpetuity.
“I hope they break up,” noted Jakilynn, their mutual friend and situationship collateral. “Will this article get them to break up?”
The tension over the Feast of Saint Valentine began earlier this month when Charlie took their “friend” to Target, only to see the decorations dedicated to couples lining the most visible aisles. The embarrassment only grew when Darius bought Charlie a heart-shaped present, with the word “almost” added before the word “girlfriend.”
The two plan on spending Valentine’s Day together, clearly avoiding the connotation that they act like a couple.
When the two were asked how long they were in a relationship, neither could form a complete sentence. Stay tuned to see if they are able to survive Valentine’s day without either of them crying.
The saddest part? Billions around the United States are suffering the same fate, and The Big Media have said nothing about it. If you, a loved one, or someone you act like isn’t a loved one is experiencing a relationship, call the number below to seek help: 1-800-222-1222. 60% of situationships end in divorce, don’t let a situationship get the better of you.
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