A great stir was caused on campus last week after President Harvey Stenger made a shocking announcement. In a video that has since been deleted from the Binghamton YouTube channel, Stenger announced he had partnered with the Wonka Company for the biggest publicity stunt in Bing history: giving away the Bartle Library Tower to one lucky student. Five golden tickets were hidden inside of Boar’s Head sandwiches purchased from the dining halls (oops), and those who found one were invited to tour the library’s fifteen intimidating stories for a chance to win it all.
Although five students entered Bartle on the big day, only one would leave as its owner. While no official details of what happened inside of the tower have been released, four of the five participants were eventually found roaming the ground floor hallways with no memory of the event.
The eventual winner of the contest was Chuck Pail, a recent transfer from just down the road. While he is now the proud owner of countless books and offices, he was once a student just like everyone else. When asked about his newfound fame and fortune, Pail commented that he “just wanted a sandwich, and ended up not even having time to eat.” Some students have commented that he is merely unappreciative of his winnings, while 100% of books contained within the library had no comments to give on their change in ownership.
Perhaps the most startling development of all was the fine print. Written in small text on the bottom of the ticket were details as to the true consequences of Chuck’s success. Due to being the owner, he must maintain the building, live in it, and pay property tax. This has led to him accepting a more cynical view, implementing a new policy for the tower: No one ever goes in, no one ever comes out.
Chuck, along with Harvey Stenger and the Wonka Company, have not been seen or heard from since the end of the contest.
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