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THE BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY TIMES TRIBUNE
BU's only intentionally satirical news source
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OPINION: Umm… “She-Hulk?” How about… “He-Hulk.”
Man, do I miss the days of old comics. Super MAN, Bat MAN, Iron MAN, Spider MAN, Ant MAN, notice a trend? Things changed once the woke...
Bax Shapiro
Sep 13, 20222 min read
80 views


Let's Talk About Cum.
As the school year comes to a close, it is imperative that we close in on cum. Although campaigns such as "nofap," "semen retention,"...
Helmcue Clamwax
May 24, 20222 min read
218 views


Top 5 Summer DIYs
Guys, gals, and non-binary pals, the air is fresh, the flowers abloom, the sun is shining, the bees abuzz- you all know what that means....
Sam Wheeler
May 21, 20224 min read
63 views

Sorry, We Took a Weed Week
To the dudes and dudettes that find themselves stumbling onto this page, we at the fine magazine of The Binghamton University Times...
Brendan Boyce
Apr 28, 20222 min read
73 views


Top 10 Characters Who Are Literally Me
When it comes to fiction, characters’ desires, fears, and motivations are often a lens for us to view humanity. This helps us empathize...
Brian the ALPHA MALE
Apr 14, 20224 min read
16,610 views


The Bells, They Toll: Top Five "Fantasies" I Have About "Deconstructing" the Clock Tower
1. It would be cool, I think Imagine that you are leaving your 11 o'clock class in Library North. You walk outside into the beautiful...
Dr. Sugondese
Apr 7, 20222 min read
60 views


Top 10 Puppets
Life is pretty crazy. There’s almost always something going on that keeps us stressed and away from enjoying the little things in life....
Alex Weiner
Apr 6, 20227 min read
81 views


The Campus is Alive...
We were dumbasses to assume the giant, pulsating BU Brain tucked away in the bowels of the Fine Arts building was the end of it. Complete...
Maxwell Maceluch
Mar 21, 20222 min read
38 views


The Dos and Don'ts of LinkedIn DMs
Ahh, internship season… or should I say internsimp season. Late winter is that magical time of year when those ambitious, procrastination...
Adam Malev
Mar 7, 20222 min read
31 views


Op-Ed: Don't Take Your Kids to Parade Day, Its Exactly What You Think It Is
This Saturday is the annual Parade Day in Binghamton, which doesn’t mean festive shamrocks, or leprechauns, or releasing snakes in the...
Brendan Boyce
Mar 4, 20221 min read
40 views


FUCK YOU: How Hard Is It To Make a Fucking Pancake at 6PM?
Picture this: It’s 5:50 PM on a Wednesday, and you can do anything you want until 7, which is when the weekly BUTT Writer’s Meeting...
Alex Weiner
Mar 2, 20222 min read
44 views


Explosive Diarrhea, Food Poisoning, Or Business As Usual?
Over the past two weeks, many students have come out to accuse Sodexo of giving them food poisoning, which begs the question, have we all...
Brendan Boyce
Mar 1, 20222 min read
37 views


Kanye Should Declare War on Pete Davidson Over Kim K Crisis
A lot has been said about the impending crisis in Kim Kardashian’s life. Putting aside the probability of a Pete Davidson invasion, the...
Ye
Feb 23, 20225 min read
33 views


Tired of Someone Taking Your Favorite Seat? Here's Some Wacky Ways to Reclaim What Belongs to You
There’s no thicker tension than what exists between you and the person that stole your coveted seat in class. How utterly humiliating it...
Shannon Mahon
Feb 8, 20223 min read
45 views


Fucking Bullshit: English Final Requires You To Have Done the Readings
Following a devastating final in ENG 221, many English and Comparative Literature majors were left wondering why they ever became English...
Max Lieber
Dec 16, 20212 min read
33 views

Op-Ed: I Didn’t Take a Shit in the Union Lobby. But if I Did, Here’s How I Would’ve Done It
‘Twas the Wednesday before finals when all through the Union, not a student was stirring, except for the one kid absolutely fucking...
Brendan Boyce
Dec 13, 20212 min read
55 views

If 'The Artist' Can Make Tap Dancing Cool Again, Maybe the Market Actually Can Solve Climate Change
Those of you who know me know that I have absolutely no faith in the survival of the human 150 years hence. That’s okay. I’ve made my...
Ethan Rosenblum
Dec 10, 20212 min read
17 views

We Tried All Dr. Oz’s Rejuvenating Essential Natural Fucking Oils Or Whatever, Here's What We Found
Sometimes, in our duty as factual and responsible journalists, we at the BUTT have to review products so you don’t have to - even if that...
Graham Young
Dec 8, 20212 min read
37 views

Op-Ed: Never Take Your Kids to Santacon. It's Not What You Think It Is
As a single father of two, I sometimes find myself struggling to find ways to keep my little angels from bothering me. That’s why I was...
Ethan Rosenblum
Dec 6, 20212 min read
30 views


Move Over, Friendsgiving! This Year’s Hottest Trend Is Familygiving!
Sick and tired of the stupid idiots you hang around for the sake of routine? Don’t let the atrocities America committed way back when be...
BU Times Tribune
Nov 25, 20212 min read
42 views
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