OP-ED: STOP BOTHERING ME! I DO NOT HAVE A MILK FETISH!
I’m not kidding. PLEASE stop making fun of me for having a milk fetish, because I do NOT have one. The rumor, which is FALSE, just so...
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Solomon Christiansen
Sep 83 min read
Op-Ed: I Am Not Receiving Enough Satanic Propaganda
Greetings, my Brothers and Sisters at Binghamton University. I am writing to you about an issue faced by those of us of upstanding moral...
41 views
Sue Donim
Apr 102 min read
Op-Ed: Cancel Culture is Over. Let’s Start Branding People.
If you’re as chronically online as I am, you’ve probably seen a new celebrity get canceled each week. Whether it's because of...
34 views
Andrew Schiller
Feb 253 min read
NEW AMAZON PRIME VIDEO SHOW SPARKS CONTROVERSY AND DEGENERACY
BINGHAMTON, NY – Wow, the entertainment industry is so fresh right now! There’s the Avatar remake, the Halo adaptation, the new Star Wars...
72 views
Sue Donim
Feb 191 min read
Op-Ed: Sex Isn't Real
As Sex Week came to a close last week, I found myself thinking: “No way. No way that’s actually a thing.” Thus, I set out on a research...
36 views
Yuri Mumm
Oct 3, 20232 min read
12 Signs That You Are Part of the Alien Conspiracy
1. You can decrypt this extraterrestrial message: Is Baby Gronk the New Drip King, or is he just getting Rizzed Up by Livvy? Only an...
26 views
David Belkin
May 11, 20232 min read
Here's What These Graduating Seniors Have to Say About Their Time at BU
Inspired by the #HumansofBinghamton hashtag on Binghamton University’s main Instagram page, I, too, wanted to highlight students who are...
115 views
b/anonymousprisonguard
Apr 24, 20234 min read
Op-Ed: Am I the Asshole for “Forgetting” to Check on My Prisoner (M66) From 6 to 6:30 AM? (PREMIUM)
Hey BUTTHeads! This story happened a while ago, but it’s been bothering me so I wanted to get it off my chest and find out if I’m really...
54 views
Helmcue Clamwax
Apr 21, 20234 min read
The Best Films to Watch While High
With all the attention geared towards yesterday’s rank festivities, the coast is now clear for those who wish to “light it up” in a most...
87 views
Piper Dreemowitz
Apr 17, 20232 min read
Op-Ed: Arguments Against the Snow Day
Here at the BUTT, it’s our imperative to unpack issues affecting our students, no matter how controversial. Today, I humbly ask our...
33 views
Brendan Boyce
Mar 28, 20232 min read
Five Ways to Celebrate International Day of Sadness at BU
March 20th marks the tenth anniversary of the International Day of Happiness, a holiday meant to emphasize the importance of happiness in...
49 views
David Belkin
Mar 14, 20231 min read
Top Six AI Article Pitches
During my tenure at the Binghamton Union Times and Tribune, I’ve been able to think creatively and collaborate with lots of talented...
31 views
David Belkin
Feb 22, 20232 min read
Op-Ed: Leave Disney Adults Alone
Recently, Disney adults have been the recipients of unwarranted hate online from naysayers and trolls alike, and it’s kind of...
87 views
Nathan Halsey
Dec 4, 20222 min read
Op-Ed: Why I'll Be Going As Jesus Next Santa-Con
I will admit, readers, I get pretty upset around this time of year. Once Mariah Carey kicks off, and that fat red man begins popping up...
27 views
Crisp Rat
Dec 2, 20223 min read
Op-List: Top Five Slurs To Use Upon Encountering a Koopa
Koopas (aka Koopa Troopas) are turtle-like, anthropomorphic he/theys who exist in the Mario Universe. But that’s not important. What is...
79 views
Elon Musk
Nov 30, 20223 min read
Op-Ed: Why I’m a Big, Dumb, Stupid Poopyhead
Hi everyone. It's me, Elon Musk, champion of free speech and “memelords” alike. My recent acquisition of Twitter - a purchase I...
63 views
Ye
Nov 28, 20222 min read
Op-Ed: Takeoff Took Off Too Soon
Who is taking off? Kirshnik Khari Ball, that's who. #DED XD uwu. Takeoff took off late November 1st 2022 in a bowling alley. Strike am I...
54 views
Max Lieber
Nov 8, 20223 min read
5 Ways To Tell If Your Roommate is a Pod Person Through Their Body Language
We get it. Living with roommates isn't easy. Sometimes, they do something that really gets on your nerves. However, there's a fine line...
228 views
David Belkin
Oct 29, 20222 min read
Red Flags That the "Slutty Cop" at the Bar is Actually an Op
It is a truism that criminals are more likely to commit crimes while under the belief that cops aren’t in the room. This phenomenon is...
65 views
Bax Shapiro
Sep 13, 20222 min read
OPINION: Umm… “She-Hulk?” How about… “He-Hulk.”
Man, do I miss the days of old comics. Super MAN, Bat MAN, Iron MAN, Spider MAN, Ant MAN, notice a trend? Things changed once the woke...
80 views
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